We had a plan. When a blastocyst embryo turned into a positive test which turned into a heartbeat on screen, and finally to a living, breathing Flynn in our arms we felt, at last, on the right side of the odds. IVF didn’t work for everyone, or even for most, but, as our beautiful boy … Continue reading We had a plan.
Since January 2015 this has loomed over me. I’m sure there has been plenty more painful milestones missed in the past but this one has really stuck in my mind, a red flag, a flashing warning light, a distant siren heralding a painful day of extra grief. Since January 2015 this has loomed over me. … Continue reading What schoolbag would he have picked?
It’s been a while. It’s not through a lack of things to say but almost through an overwhelming amount. Sometimes it’s easier to just do rather than review and too much reflection seems unwise. Firstly, I guess, is our somewhat ongoing adventures into giving Max and Flynn another little sibling. When we decided to try … Continue reading All the world and stars.
There were a number of reasons we decided to go ahead with a post mortem with Max. It wasn’t an easy decision to let them take him, to lose precious time with him, to allow his delicate little body to be damaged, however gently. We decided to go ahead because we knew we needed any … Continue reading Here we go…
Today is your 4th birthday. As the years go by I find it more difficult to imagine how you would have been. I picture a mop of dark hair, sticking out in unruly tangles. I picture your favourite red hoody, jean clad legs getting less chubby and more gangly by the day. I picture you … Continue reading Max’s 4th Birthday
4 years ago today was your due date. For 9 long months I had counted towards it, growing increasingly certain that it would end with you warm and pink and wriggling in my arms. Being due on New Year’s eve always felt sort of extra special. People were always tickled to hear it. They loved … Continue reading If Only…
Another Christmas is upon us. Another due date is looming in the very near future. Ghostly memories of the excitement of 4 years ago, the finishing work, the fitting of a car seat, the buying of a light snowman t-shirt for Christmas day because even the thought of a wooly jumper stretched over my … Continue reading A Christmas Wish for the newly bereaved