I’m glad I didn’t know, 6 years ago today, in the midst of indescribable pain, that 6 years on would still ache so much. I’m glad a part of me bought into the old tropes, that time would heal all wounds, that I would find the old me again, amidst the shattered remnants. On your … Continue reading 6 would be…
I grew up 15 minutes away from beautiful Carrickfinn Beach in Donegal. For me, it meant a glorious stretch of fine golden sand, sparkling clear water, and an approach through whispering grass. In time it has become home to Donegal Airport and voted by National Geographic as the second most scenic landing strip anywhere in … Continue reading Oileánn na Márbh
‘Well, it wouldn’t be the way I would do it’. Straight away my spine stiffened, my nostrils flared, my pulse raced. This offhand comment wasn’t innocuous, about something silly like which way to cook a chilli or do long division. This comment hit at one of the most personal things it is possible … Continue reading The Wrong Way to Grieve
I had written this post a couple of weeks ago in time for Infertility awareness week but on readback it was a whopper ramble (even by my rambly standards so this is my attempt at brevity and punchiness!) My experience of infertility has been well documented through these pages. While every passing cycle … Continue reading Infertility Awareness Week
It is beyond surreal how much our world has changed in the space of only a couple of months, how entire continents have ground to a halt, how doors have been boarded up and websites adorned with the same words over and over again- ‘Covid-19, protection, government regulations’. We are living in the history books … Continue reading Baby Loss in the ‘Time of Covid’
We had a plan. When a blastocyst embryo turned into a positive test which turned into a heartbeat on screen, and finally to a living, breathing Flynn in our arms we felt, at last, on the right side of the odds. IVF didn’t work for everyone, or even for most, but, as our beautiful boy … Continue reading We had a plan.
Since January 2015 this has loomed over me. I’m sure there has been plenty more painful milestones missed in the past but this one has really stuck in my mind, a red flag, a flashing warning light, a distant siren heralding a painful day of extra grief. It had a date in the calendar, September … Continue reading What schoolbag would he have picked?
It’s been a while. It’s not through a lack of things to say but almost through an overwhelming amount. Sometimes it’s easier to just do rather than review and too much reflection seems unwise. Firstly, I guess, is our somewhat ongoing adventures into giving Max and Flynn another little sibling. When we decided to try … Continue reading All the world and stars.
There were a number of reasons we decided to go ahead with a post mortem with Max. It wasn’t an easy decision to let them take him, to lose precious time with him, to allow his delicate little body to be damaged, however gently. We decided to go ahead because we knew we needed any … Continue reading Here we go…
Today is your 4th birthday. As the years go by I find it more difficult to imagine how you would have been. I picture a mop of dark hair, sticking out in unruly tangles. I picture your favourite red hoody, jean clad legs getting less chubby and more gangly by the day. I picture you … Continue reading Max’s 4th Birthday